Goodbye Old Friend.....

Today, the day after Christmas, I bid a sad goodbye to something that has been with me through thick and thin, good and bad, ups and downs... but also to something that I've become addicted to and reliant on EVERY.SINGLE.DAY for the past several years.. yes, today, my Scale and I bid adieu... I know there are several of you out there who are shocked by my admission, but yes, Suzy the Scale and I needed to part ways.. I have been finding myself Obsessed with getting on the scale every morning before I shower (after I pee, of course!) and getting discouraged when it doesn't go the way I want it to. This is not the life I want to live!!! Before you all go thinking I'm CRAZY... I still have my scale on the Wii, which will be used only weekly for check-ins.. I'm promising myself that, kind of like an early New Year's Resolution.

My last couple of days surrounding Christmas have been pretty good. I've come to the conclusion that if it's a bread-like substance, I cannot eat it. I've been having a really hard time keeping food down so I'm assuming that means I have pretty good restriction with my most recent fill last week. Timmy and I had a fabulous Christmas Eve dinner at a restaurant in Scottsdale called Eddie V's. I've been wanting to go there for a while b/c I love seafood, and it was worth the wait! I had some amazing Crab stuffed Shrimp and an heirloom tomato and Buffalo Mozzarella salad. Thankfully, I did not have to eat a lot to feel full and it all stayed down!!

We spent Christmas day with Michelle and Brandon and Michelle's family. It was fun and got a little out of hand towards the end of the evening with the boys having a bit too much to drink!!

When I told Kennedy about getting rid of my scale, this is how she reacted! She couldn't believe it!

some other misc pictures from yesterday -

Timmy was doing his impression of Santa for KD - Ho, Ho, Ho..

This would have been a cute one until Jay jumped in without us knowing!!!

Laughing at Tim not knowing how to take the picture

And finally, an almost smily KD with her Godmother and Mommy!

Ups and Downs, Highs and Lows..

As I sit here wracking my brain to come up with something to write for my annual Performance Review ( I mean, I know I did a LOT of stuff this year in my job, so why isn't it coming to me to write it down?? ) I started letting my mind wander about my past year and how much has gone on with me, Jen... not work related, but Jen related.

I've definitely had a very crazy year, full of lots of highs and a couple lows.. thought I'd share..
So, was 2009 a good year?? I think so!!! I know that 2010 is going to be even better!!!

Let's start with the good stuff!!!

Highs:

1. The Obvious - my surgery to change my life.. I honestly didn't think that when I had my first visit on 11/3/08, that I would actually go through with this. I never commit fully to anything ( besides my marriage!) so I thought that I would either chicken out or change my mind.. so glad I didn't.

2. We had some awesome trips this year!!! Mexico, Atlanta, Chicago, LA, Sedona, Vegas.. we were traveling fools

3. Frequent visitors.. we saw my parents and our closest friends several times this year - we LOVE visitors!!! Hopefully we'll be seeing lots more of you all next year!!

4. Sweet Little Kennedy H was born!! And all of our lives were changed for the better..

5. Michigan State made it to the National Championship in BBall.. and then lost! :(

6. Tim's job hiccupped a little but he ended up successful this year!

7. I went to see Ellen!!! And got to dance and laugh and swoon over RPatts!!

8. I met some awesome people through blogs and reconnected through others on FB


Now, the Lows...

1. Too many close friends lost a parent this year. I can't imagine their pain and am so sorry..

2. I follow far too many Caring Bridge sites now.... if you have a Caring Bridge page, most likely, you have a serious illness. I know too many people who have a loved one that is sick..

3. I had a miscarriage when I wasn't supposed to be able to even get pregnant.. Like I have always said, this one is a catch-22 - it's a positive that I may be able to get pregnant some day, but a negative that the one time I am, I lose..

4. My dad told us this year that he will need a kidney transplant. Imagine how horrible it is to hear when you call the transplant coordinator that your BMI is too high and that you can't even be considered a candidate for donation. It's one of the things that keeps me motivated to keep working out and plugging away at this weight loss thing.. I want to at least be considered.

5. I missed my 20 year high school reunions, partly b/c I didn't want to go and be the "fat" girl or the one who has no kids yet..

Thankfully, the highs outweigh the lows.. I'm a firm believer in that you can only grow by going through the tough times.. unfortunately, Timmy and I have learned that far too many times in the past couple of years. That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right??

Ok, back to my review and trying to figure out how to say in so many words that I'm a Rockstar!!! :)

A Girl on a Mission..

That's me.... I have been a workout MACHINE for the past week!!! Definitely helped that I started seeing Kathi last week. Something has changed inside me and now all I can think about is how I'm going to fit in a workout everyday... not sure, but I hope I don't lose this motivation!! I have, however, fallen off the C25K train and need to get back to plugging away at that. I have less than 2 months before my 5K that I committed to so I need to get moving on that ASAP!!

Went in for my 2nd fill today. I was concerned b/c I felt like I was doing more work than my band was and my Dr confirmed that that might be the case for the first couple of fills and to not get discouraged. I only lost 2.5 lbs over the past two weeks since my last fill. I really want this weight loss to start moving more quickly, but I also have to keep telling myself that I'm in no rush.. it's going to happen, and knowing me, it's going to take time!! Everything does with me!! :)

She was really happy with my progress and even told me that my weight loss thus far is "off the charts"!! That made me happy!!! She's pretty much letting me decide when to get fills so I'm opting for every 2 weeks for now until I get to that "green zone"...

Nothing else going on except working this week and really looking forward to a quiet Christmas with Timmy and our friends. I have some last minute things to get Tim but otherwise, we are ready for the holidays to get here!!

Hope everyone is ready to have a great week!!!

js

Aches and Pains...

The flu is floating around my work, my home and the city in general.. however, my aches do not come from a case of the stomach flu, the head cold or even the swine flu.. my aches have one name and that name is Kathi... she's my new(old) trainer.. I went to see her yesterday for the first time and I can barely walk today.. AND, she took it easy on me!!!

I used to see Kathi about 2 years ago before the Great Stull Depression of 2007 hit and I had to get rid of some of the "luxuries" in my life in order to pay the bills. Picture Jillian from the Biggest Loser, but with blond hair. I actually love her, she's fabulous, and she kicks my ass. She was delighted to see that I hadn't changed much.. the usual "are we almost done.. ", "wait, I counted to 15, how are you only at 10?" and the other misc complaints that spew from my mouth were all present yesterday!! I know it's good for me, but man oh man does it hurt!!!

Anyways, not much else going on besides the pain! I had a great weekend in ATL with the fam!!! We kept joking that it was "forced family fun" but nothing seemed forced! We celebrated Christmas early and everyone loaded up with some fabulous gifts. Love, Love, Love my family!!

Me and CB

KB, me and Tim

Clay, Nana, Chief, Kate and Deuce!

Kate, Jeff, Beth, Clay and Deuce!

Beth, Mom and ME!!

Although I've had a great last couple of weekends traveling, I can't tell you how excited I am to just be home this weekend, catch up on my DVRd shows (how lame and I?) and just relax!!! Work has been crazy busy which is unusual for this time of the year and I'm ready for some downtime!!

On the weight loss front, I seem to have stalled AGAIN! It's irritating but I go in for another fill on Monday. I'm wondering for those lap band blog buddies.. did your first couple of fills not do a whole lot for you?? I'm trying not to get frustrated but my body is just not cooperating with me!! I know I'm in no rush, but I'd like to see some more movement downwards on the scale!!

Hope all is well with everyone. I need to blog more!!! :)

XO

Filled Up and Ready to Ramble...

"Lord I was born a Ramblin Woman".. that's how I feel lately with all the traveling I've been doing! We are leaving this morning to head to Atlanta for our family Christmas! Can't wait to see my family, especially my niece and nephew!!

After this trip, we are DONE for a bit in the travel department. It's funny, I don't normally travel this much and really until October, we hadn't gone ANYWHERE this year except to Michigan and by the way my co-workers harass me, you'd think I'd been gone every weekend all year. I keep reminding them of all the trips I had to cancel b/c of work, or b/c we thought we were launching a product at a certain time and we didn't. I know I shouldn't let it bother me that I get harassed, but I do a little b/c everything always seems to get done. Like for instance today, I'm technically on vacation, but have been working since 6:00 am! Oh well.. enough of my rant for today...

Got my first fill on Monday and was shocked at how easily it went. I mean, I know that I've read everyone else's blogs about how easy getting a fill is but I always think that mine would be painful or more difficult, and it was a piece of cake (oh how I'd love a piece of cake! ) I was on pretty much liquids Monday and Tuesday and graduated to mushies yesterday and today. I haven't been that hungry and thankfully, my weight loss has kicked back in.. down another 2 lbs!! My doctor was thrilled with my progress!! I go in again on the 21st for my 2nd fill. Right now I have 4cc's in my band. I know I should have asked how big my band is but I forgot! next time..

This past weekend I went to Chicago for the annual holiday party. It was so good to see my girlfriends (and their sig others as well). I could write blogs and blogs about how much I adore my friends but let me just say this about my Chicago peeps.. they are my heart and my soul.. they are the ones that get me the most and the ones that I know would be there for me in a second.. I don't have to talk to them often to know that we'll just pick up where we left off.. I heart them!!!

Hope everyone is doing well!! Back to blogging more often next week, once things settle down!

xo

Sweet Home Chicago...

Ok, so technically Chicago is NOT my home, however I do feel most at home here!!! This is where my closest friends are and there's something about this city that just makes me feel at home!

It's FREEZING though!!! I have to admit that I don't really mind it too much though since I only get to wear my favorite puffy coat once a year when I'm here! Speaking of said puffy coat, it's white and now it's REALLY puffy and oversized.. so I look like a goofy stay-puff marshmellow man!!

I'm here for a Holiday party with my girls! Yesterday while Shannon worked, I went out and about (on foot) and did some window shopping and getting some fixins for tonight's party. Then, Jamie picked me up in the kiddie mobile and we hung out with the kiddos and hit up a bar to meet up with TK.. 3 or 4 glasses of wine later, we ended up staying at Jamie's for the night!! It was so fun to catch up and just laugh and gossip!!! I remarked this morning after checking out my appearance that it's been a LOOOOOONNNNNNGGGG time since my bra went home in my purse after a night out!! :)

Looking forward to seeing my other girlfriends tonight!! Then back to Phoenix tomorrow, getting my fill on Monday (woohoo) and then off to Atlanta on Thursday for the family Christmas! I'm tired just thinking of it!!

xo
js

Monday can't come soon enough..

I'm stuck!!! I have not lost a lb in over 2 weeks.. It's making me batty!!!!
I have my first fill on Monday, thank goodness!!!
I'm happy that I haven't gained anything but now I know what Bandster Hell is.. I'm right in the middle of it.
Thankfully, my clothes are still getting bigger so I must be losing inches..
Ugh, just irritated..
that's all..

Committing..

Hey All!! Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving weekend!! We had a very nice, much needed relaxing one. We had a fabulous dinner at our friends Clay and Nicole's house. It's always good to catch up with them!! They are the type of friends that even if you haven't seen each other in months, you can easily pick up where you left off.. those are my kind of people!!!
I did pretty well in terms of eating on Thanksgiving.. didn't fill my plate and didn't finish what was on it. That's a first!!! I didn't have anything breadlike b/c that seems to be my biggest issue. I had my first glass of wine as well since Mexico - that may be a record.. I don't think I've gone over a month without booze since I was 16!!! Needless to say, wine tasted soo good!!!

So, as all of you know, I started the C25K program last week. I'm not going to lie, I absolutely hate running. I'm only doing it b/c I know that running is a sure fire way to skinny(ier)!! You don't really ever see a chubbo running now do you?? So, I'm starting week 2 this week if I can ever get my hubs to get off the computer long enough to hit the gym (another first.. I'm actually asking him to go to the gym!! ha! ) and b/c of my new desire to be a runner, I signed up for a 5K today. My friend from Crate, Tracy sent me a message on FB and told me about the 5K she's doing in February (she's also doing the C25K and is a couple weeks ahead of me) so I figured, what the heck, might as well just dive right in and do it.. Now I have some major motivation.

And, in true Jen style (I never do anything halfway) Tim and I decided to sign up for the Great Urban Race the following weekend. It's not really a race (like running) but it is kind of a race around the town, ala Amazing Race.. we are looking for people to join us so if you are planning to come to Phoenix around Valentine's day, come join the fun!!!

Oh, now Timmy's ready to go to the gym.. can't lose my motivation... gotta run!!! (ha, pun intended!)

UPDATE - just got back from the gym.. man that was a beyotch... didn't help that on the way there, I realized that I had forgotten to change into my sports bra... wow, these jugs were definitely working against me... even Timmy said he looked over at me and saw them jumping up and down.. isn't he sweet?? :) I just gotta keep telling myself, "I think I can, I think I can..."

Thankful...

Before I get all sappy and talk about the things I am thankful for, I'd like to shout to the heavens about a super morning I've had!!! I was getting ready for work this morning and put on my shirt (it's a little loose BTW) and then figuring out which jeans I should wear. I pulled one pair on, nope, way too baggy, so I put on another pair that I've had for YEARS and nope, too baggy and looked ridiculous, so I went to the "goal" pair - the pair of jeans that I last wore in 2006 when I lived in Minneapolis - the pair that I kept b/c I loved them so much, the style, the cut and that I swore I would wear again, well, guess what?? they fit!!!! I ran out of my closet and into the office to give Timmy the news, to which he replied, "Miss Magoo, you're looking hot!" What a way to kick off my morning!!! Now granted, the jeans are a little snug in my waist and belly but the legs and butt are almost loose!!! So exciting!!! The weight may not be going down much but clearly some things are moving in the right direction!! YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

So, I started the C25K on Saturday and did day 2 on Tuesday and tweaked something in my back and now am walking around like an old lady.. I swear if it's not one thing it's another!!!

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I thought I'd talk about the things I'm thankful for. I'm thankful that a little over a year ago, I had the wherewithall to decide that I'd had enough of the dieting, the promises I'd made to myself to lose weight and the constant beating myself up, to walk into my doctor's office and decide that I needed to not only change my life, but do something to prolong it.

I'm thankful that my family was so supportive and even though they were concerned, never tried to talk me out of it.

I'm thankful that when I decided to tell the few people I did at first, they became my cheerleaders and then when I started telling others, they became my biggest supporters.

I'm thankful that I have a fabulous husband who although tends to drive me crazy part of the time, he's my best friend.

I'm thankful for having not only a decent job, but one that I enjoy going to everyday and being around the people I work with.

I'm thankful that I have the ability to travel to fun places in a year and hang out with fantastic friends.

I'm thankful that even though I was only pregnant for a short time this year, I was given hope that someday...

I'm thankful that I found so many people through blogs that are going through or have gone through the things that I am and help me find out where I'm headed..

I'm thankful for Antonio today b/c he allowed me to get into these jeans!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!
xo

Lessons Learned...

It's all about trial and error with this band, now isn't it?? So, last week, I felt like I could pretty much eat anything and was constantly hungry! On Friday night, Timmy and I went to dinner at Pita Jungle and I thought that I'd be able to have some Pita and Hummus... WRONG! I had no issues with the hummus but the Pita was NOT my friend! I ate slowly and chewed it a lot but it still just sat there right in my chest and did not want to move anywhere. Gotta admit, don't really want that feeling ever again!! So, now I know!

Last night, I went out to dinner with some girls I used to work with at Crate last year and I hadn't seen any of them in about a year. So, none of them knew about my surgery. They picked a Pasta restaurant.. go figure!! I did tell them once I got there that I had had the surgery and they were shocked. So, I had a nice appetizer of Buffalo Mozzerella and Heirloom tomatoes with Pesto sauce and it was YUM!! I was a little disappointed that none of them noticed my weight loss but oh well.. I guess not everyone is as observant as me!

Today, while running errands Timmy and I stopped at the Salty Senorita for some lunch. I ordered the tacos and just ate the chicken without the shell..( I figured since the pita and the corn tortilla are somewhat in the same family, I didn't want to chance it!)

I upped my water intake this weekend and things seem back to normal on the WL front. I even started the C25K yesterday... man, am I NOT a runner!! I'm going to stick with it though! I want to be a runner and there's no time like the present to start!!!

Kind of a boring blog but hey, that's my life these days, figuring out how to live with Antonio (yes, I named him Antonia BANDeras!)

Super happy for a short work week and to spend some time with our good buddies Clay and Nicole and family for Thanksgiving!!!

Happy Sunday!!

My hips shake from the left to the right..

Yes, I was a cheerleader!!! Anyone remember that cheer??

My back aches.. (not anymore!!)

My pants too tight... (uh, nope!!!)

My hips shake from the left to the right, from the left, to the right, to the left..

Anyone?? Maybe it was a Mississippi thing!! Anyways, the point being is that my hips were shaking like crazy on Tuesday when I went to see ELLEN!!!!! And if you watched today, you might just catch a glimpse of said hip-shaking!!!

We had such a good time in LA!! Ellen was all that and more!! We got to see Robert Pattinson who up until about a week or so ago, I really did not care about nor did I think much of him.. until I saw him in person and I squealed like a teenager when he came up our aisle and shook my hand!!! Ridiculous!!! So, needless to say, I'm very thankful that little part of the show ended up on the cutting room floor!!!

So, I finally graduated to solid foods!! Actually it was somewhat anti-climactic!! I made the executive decision (I mean, I am the CEO of Jen, Inc... afterall!) to move up my solid-food day to two days earlier mainly due to the fact that I was going to be in LA and I knew it would be hard to find band-friendly foods to eat on the run. Or so I thought.. I actually kind of just started eating "soft" solid foods.. I had a croissant from Starbucks.. (so good and yet so bad for me!) and I ate a real piece of chicken.. not just somthing that had been shredded, schmooshed, etc..

I think my biggest issue is that I am not drinking enough water during the day. I used to be that person that was running back and forth to the bathroom all the time and I'm just not thirsty, but I've been getting headaches which makes me think I may be a little dehydrated and my weight loss has all but slowed down to a turtle's pace.. which I kind of expected but didn't really want!! AND I've been able to eat much more than I was a week ago. I know that this part of the process (between healing and first fill) is all mental for me. I need to act like I'm on a diet again and then hopefully once I get my first fill, all will be well again. The good thing about all the blogs I'm following, almost everyone is a step or two ahead of me and I can get insight as to how things are going right now with me and know that it's all normal!

I'm planning to start the C25K program tomorrow (couch to 5K) so that I can work on hitting one of my goals I set for myself - run a 5K. I've never been a runner so wish me luck!!

Here are some pics of our trip this week!! Have a great weekend!

I was VERY excited to go to Ellen!

We got to see the Friends set and sit on the couch!!

See, I was there!!

Climbing up a Mountain ... literally!!!

What a great weekend I had!!! My friend Melissa came to town and helped me with one of my goals that I set for myself prior to having this surgery! Before I tell the story, I'll back-track to 3 years ago. Melissa and our friend Holly came out to AZ for a long weekend. We went to the Grand Canyon, Flagstaff, and Sedona and on one of the days, we decided to go hike Pinnacle Peak in North Scottsdale. Well, to my embarassment, I made it up to about 1/8th of the mountain and was mortified that I was soo out of shape in front of my girlfriends and turned around and sat at the base of the mountain waiting for them to finish their climb and come down. Move ahead to the next year, when, after I had been working out with a trainer and was getting in pretty good shape, Timmy and I went to Pinnacle Peak to see if I could get any further. I did, I made it up about 3/4 of the mountain. I considered that a major achievement. Now, almost 2 years later, I put in my blog that I wanted to make it to the top of PP once I completed my surgery, so you must be asking, is that what you did this weekend?? Um no, not technically, but very very close...

We headed up to Sedona on Saturday morning ( which was pretty rough for Melissa since she and Timmy decided to overimbibe on wine and beer on Friday night.. lucky me was the designated driver!!!) to go hike Devil's Bridge. I had read that the trail was "easy to moderate" so I figured that I should be able to do it just fine. We got to the road leading to the trail and realized that we couldn't drive my car through it and make it out without getting a flat, so we parked at the end of the road and hoofed it to the base of the trail... this walk was about 1.5 miles.. here we are on the road:

(see the car behind us.. they were in like a little Kia.. morons... ) So, we got to the base of the trail and it was a gorgeous day.. we chatted while we walked and it really wasn't too bad, a little gradual ascent, but overall, nothing that I couldn't handle..

Then, it happened.... the inhaler had to come out and some rest stops had to be taken... we got to a part in the trail that was pretty much all steps and height.. I thought my heart was going to come out of my chest! Thankfully, Melissa was super supportive and even though she was barely breathing ( I was irritated that she found it sooo easy!! :) ) she continued to stop with me and let me catch my breath!!! At each stop, we'd take a couple of pics!!

Here are some pics to prove that I'm not telling a fib when I say there was an incline and lots of rocks to step up!!

After a couple of times of me saying "we better be close to the top and where is this freaking bridge and are we on the right trail?? etc... " we FINALLY got to the bridge and it was so worth the effort!!!!

We did it!!!

Melissa reenacting the pic I posted on here the other day:

It was such a huge accomplishment for me to make it up the mountain!! I mean, I had surgery only 2 short weeks ago and last Saturday, I was filled with regret and having a serious pity party for myself. What a difference a week makes!! I was proud of myself for the first time in a long time!! So, in all total, we walked/hiked almost 6 miles!!! I walked to much that I actually became pocket sized!! (that's for you Michelle!)

We got back to town and went to Rob and Joy's for dinner with them, their kiddos, Michelle and KD.. it was great end to a fabulous day!!!

Again, I feel so fortunate that I have such wonderful, supportive friends who encourage me, lift me up and make me feel that I matter so much!!

A huge thanks to Melissa for being so encouraging and supportive yesterday! I'm so glad you were there to share in my accomplishment of one of my goals!! XO

Pinnacle Peak, here I come.....

Keep on Keeping On...

Gosh, for the love, I can't believe how pathetic I was less than a week ago. I wish I would have known that I'd be feeling great this week and it would have made it easier to manage! But instead, I was wallowing in my own self-pity. Oh well, we all have to have our frequent IPP's right??

Anyhoo... like I said, I'm feeling about 80% better today!! I woke up today with nearly no pain and haven't taken a swig of the pain killer juice in almost 2 days now!! WOOT!!

My only real indication that I had this surgery is of course my war ravaged belly - only two of the incisions are fully healed and the steri-strips have completely come off, and the crazy Psycho Hunger Pangs I get right around meal-time!! I was explaining them to Jen today.. I was like, "dude, I turn into a crazy beyotch if I'm hungry and I've never been that way!!" Seriously, we almost had an incident in the grocery store with Timmy the other day!! I feel it coming on and I'd better get something in me and FAST!!! So, be warned, if you are ever with me, when the urge happens, watch out, stay calm and point me to the nearest Smoothie King or Jamba Juice and all will be right with the world again!!

So back to work on Monday I went.. everyone seemed really happy to see me!! It's funny b/c I think people expected that I'd look different and quite frankly, with the exception of the 10 lbs I've lost since surgery, I pretty much look the same.. I'm not sure if that disappointed some or not!! I know this isn't a quick fix and I guess I have to school people of this little fact as well! I worked the entire day and was EXHAUSTED by 5:00!!! My body (and mind) were definitely not used to being so worked!!

As I mentioned in my last blog, my girlfriend Melissa is coming here this weekend. I've been wanting to go to this place in Sedona called Devil's Bridge for awhile now and I think we're going to head there on Saturday. It's part of the Coconino National Forest and it's about a 2 mile hike/walk and everyone I've talked to about says it's not too difficult so I won't be overexerting myself too much. I think it looks like it will be beautiful!! Don't you??

Can I get a HALLELUJAH??

I FINALLY feel almost GOOD!!!!! WOOHOO!!! I woke up this morning, almost feeling like a new woman. I had a horrible last couple of days, lots of feeling sorry for myself, lots of regret, lots of tears and some apologies to my hubs for being such a boring, blah wife who couldn't do anything or didn't want to do anything. Seriously, I was P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C!!! I honestly don't know who crawled into my body and took over and took me to negative town, but I'm glad to say that I think that my train just arrived back towards happyville..

I'm hoping this is not a fluke and will continue getting better each day this week. I have to go back to work tomorrow. Part of me is glad b/c if I had to stay in this house one more day with the loudest man ever as well as the two most irritating barking dogs, I might lose my mind, but part of me wishes I would have taken advantage of being off the last week and 1/2, you know, like done something fun instead of sitting in the house, in pain, and resting and working on and off.. I wish I would have felt better and gotten things done but oh well, such is my life..

Today, in celebration of feeling good, I went for a walk on the trail by our house with Michelle and KD, babysat KD for about 20 minutes, helped Timmy do some stuff around the house, ventured out to some furniture stores to look for a new comfy couch, and then hit the grocery store, where I proceeded to have the biggest hunger attack of my life.. 1/4 cup of mashed potato salad later, I was back in action!!

So, I had some heartburn issues the past couple of days which really tested me. I never had heartburn before the band and did a lot of research b/c I would have thought that the band would have cured it. This heartburn I've had was no freaking joke.. serious pain. I picked up some Priolosec OTC and I think it finally kicked in today. I'm planning a call to the dr tomorrow to make sure this is to be expected. I do feel like I wasn't as prepared with enough information from my dr before this surgery. I need to be a better advocate for myself and get in there and get all the information I can from here on out.

So, on to bigger and better things!! My friend Melissa is coming to visit this weekend and then next week, Michelle and I are headed to LA to see my friend Angela and a little known talk show host named Ellen.. .heard of her?

Thanks for all the supportive texts, calls and emails. I'm so grateful to have a fabulous group of friends and family!!!

Checking in...

A week ago today I had the lap-band surgery. A week ago today, I thought for sure that I'd be feeling better a week later. Sad truth is, I feel better but not much. I think I expected that I'd be up and at em already and that things would be much easier. I could not have been more wrong!!

I'm officially on day 7 and have had a rough couple of days. On Tuesday (sorry if this is TMI) my monthly visitor that hadn't made an appearance in 2 months decided to appear and boy did it come back with a bang!! Not to be too graphic, but it's been HEAVY - we're talking crime scene heavy.. I think that the combination of the cramps, constipation, pain from the surgery lingering, my body had had it!! I am an exxagerator, but I swear, no exxageration here!!

I'm still on pain meds, which I hope is OK. I feel like I call the doctor's office every day with a new symptom!! Today's major issue is a heartburn-like feeling. Apparently, this is normal. Unpleasant, but normal. I've been eating OK.. I'm still not overly hungry but when I am, I sure know it!!

The newest disappoinment is that I got on the Wii yesterday b/c I think I'm going to use the scale on that b/c I can keep track better... the little guy happily told me that I've lost 30 lbs since the last time I was on it, which was right around when I started WW about 3 months ago. I've lost 7 since the surgery last week. The sad thing is that nothing fits any different b/c my freaking belly is still swollen.. ugh, I'm a mess.

I need to put a tracker on the side of my blog to track my WL.. and do my measurements. I think that will make me feel better about things. Right now, I'm just a little down b/c I feel like there is no end to this pain. I have no energy to do anything. I went with Michelle and KD to Sweet Tomatoes today to have some soup and then planned to go to Target afterwards, but I just felt like poop after so we didn't go. I'm not the type of person who enjoys laying around and that's all I seem to be doing.

Sorry for the downer blog. If you've called and I haven't called back, I will, it just gets old telling everyone how I'm still in pain, how I don't know if the pain is normal, blah blah blah.. I'm hoping to be back to my cheerful, happy self soon!!!

Moving right along..

Today is Day 4 Post Op (or Day 5 if you count the actual day.. not sure if I'm supposed to!) and I'm finally feeling like the pain may be moving on it's way out of my body. I woke up pretty sore again and was irritated that I didn't feel much better, but for some reason, this afternoon, I'm feeling slightly better. The gas pain is still pretty prevalent but I've been on the move all afternoon.. doing things around the house, putting laundry away, etc.. so hopefully this is a sign of good things to come this week!!! I am still not that hungry and I'm eating just to keep my body healthy. I had some tomato soup today and am planning on hitting up the grocery store later today to get some fixins to make some different soups.

I made the grave error in letting my team know that I was online and could help with some things while I'm out and oh boy, did they pounce at that offer. I've probably worked about 5 hours already today. I finally told one of the PMs that I was signing off and going to take a nap.. I'm def not ready for the craziness that work brings!!!

The scale doesn't seem to be moving in any direction, which confuses me.. I guess it's b/c I'm still pretty bloated, so hopefully that also will start moving in the right direction.

So, some of the names that we've come up with so far are:

Antonio BANDeras
Pepe LAPew
Phil
MoFo
Chuck
Blaine..

any other suggestions?? Again, thanks for all the support, texts, calls, etc!!! I really appreciate them all!!!

Wowzers....

this pain is NO JOKE!!! I'm not sure what happened but things took a considerable turn for the worst late yesterday afternoon.. the pain in my stomach, coupled by the constant gas pain in my shoulders/neck nearly brought me to tears. I knew that it would not be a cakewalk, but I surely did not expect to be hurting so much!! I've been popping the pain meds like candy (although drinking...)



Shannon got here yesterday which has been nice to just lay around and chit-chat. I went to bed last night around 8 and woke up around every 2 hours with some sort of pain or another. I've been drinking water and vitamin water and Isopure protein waters.. I did have some wonton soup minus the won-tons and etc.. last night. It was so good!!! the heat on my throat did it a world of good... I woke up with very little pain in my throat and was able to swallow much better.

Got to take a shower today and that might be the highlight of my day!! I got to check out my incisions, which didn't look nearly as bad as I thought they would. My stomach still looks very 5 months pregnant like and it's rock hard. We went out to get pedi's and then hit up Target and Old Navy and that was about all I could handle for the day.

I haven't really felt hungry which is interesting.. I had to force myself to have a protein shake and then some leftover wonton broth this afternoon.. this is definitely something I need to get used to.

So, that's about all the update I have right now. Thanks to everyone for their encouraging texts, calls and flowers!! My house looks like a florist shop right now!! Love it!!

***anyone have any ideas for a name for my band?? *** I'm taking suggestions!! Oh, and we did decide it's a boy b/c no girl would cause this much pain on another girl!!

Done and Done!!

So, yesterday was the big day. I was actually surprised at how "not nervous' I was. I only had a couple of minutes where I thought I might be crazy for doing this, but overall the experience was good. I do feel like I have been kicked in the stomach, which kind of sucks, and my left shoulder hurts like a mo-fo due to the gas. Overall, I'd say I'm about a 4 on the 1-10 pain scale, which is pretty darn good!!

My husband has been doing a great job taking care of me. I was wishing I had a bell yesterday to ring while I was in my bed so he could come running.. after a few minutes of thought on that, I figured I'd better not press my luck!!

Shannon is on her way here this morning.. can't wait to see her!! Michelle and Kennedy popped over yesterday to hang with me for awhile too!

So far, so good!! going back to lay down now!

New Chapter...

So tomorrow is the big day. I gotta admit, I had a couple of moments today where I was SERIOUSLY nervous.. I was stressed and not very nice at work. But, I went to get my hair did after work and that seemed to relax me a bit. I picked up my prescription for my pain killers on the way home (Definitely do not want to forget those!! ) and I'm ready to go to bed!!

I have to get a little mushy (how appropriate since most of my food will be in a couple of weeks) but I have to say how grateful and appreciative that I have so many people who support me whole-heartedly in this decision. I haven't ever once questioned my decision to do this and with the exception of a couple people who have my best interests at heart and expressed concern, everyone has been unbelievably behind me. I started out keeping this decision a secret and told a couple people at a time party b/c I was ashamed that I had gotten to this point, but partly b/c so many people don't understand my struggles. But, once I started telling people, the positiveness was so overwhelming that I wasn't afraid to talk about it much anymore. For that, I' m truly gratelful and extremely fortunate to have such wonderful friends and family in my life.

Ok, so on to my number 2 and number 1.. my number 2 is something that came to me today.. I was smooshed into a 1/2 booth with Jen and Jen at lunch and was eating my usual salad (which, BTW, I'm so NOT going to miss those salads for a while!) and sure enough, I dripped on my shirt. Which is pretty much a daily occurance.. you see, when you are a big girl, lots pops out underneath your face and things just seem to fall on your chest.. I swear it is one of my biggest annoyances!!!

So, my number 1 is really simple.. I am having this surgery to simply GET ON WITH MY LIFE.. that's it.. nothing major, really anti-climactic but so very impactful... Like my BFF Shannon said to me tonight as she called to wish me luck, this is just the next Chapter in my life.. I couldn't have said it better....

xo,
js

Tick Tock Tick Tock..

I feel like I'm waiting on something.. like I have to get a lot of stuff done and then just wait.. oh yeah, I do have something I'm waiting on.. THURSDAY!! Can you tell I hate waiting?? I'm ready to get this over with!!!


Work has been surprisingly NOT busy which is great. I figure I'll take a couple of days off and then log on from home early next week for a few days before I come back into the office. Thank goodness I have a reliable co-worker who can do my job while I'm gone!! That's a stress I WON'T have!!


Michelle and I carved pumpkins last night.. I gotta tell you, in theory, carving pumpkins sounds like fun, but in reality, it sucked!!! I don't know if Arizona pumpkins are overly hard but my arms are killing me this morning from putting the death grip on that pumpkin.. about 1/4 way through, I was done.. and not interested anymore.. but I perservered!!! Here is my creation:

I did get to spend some QT with my girl Kennedy though and I'm happy to announce that since her sabbatical from me, spent kicking up her heels in Nebraska, she no longer freaks out at the sight of me.. in fact, quite the opposite happens.. I think she's in love with me now!! YAY! cause the feeling is mutual.. Here's a cute pic of KD - she's doesn't quite have the dexterity to carve pumpkins yet so we just let her lay on one instead:

So people keep asking me if I'm nervous about the surgery and I admit while there's a little nervousness, I'm not really so much so. I think excitement is overruling any nervousness. PLUS, I did a little digging this weekend and found some blogs of some gals who've also had the surgery and that has helped a ton in giving me insight as to how things go. So, my number 3 is to get this surgery over and have people stop asking me if I'm ready!! Yes, I'm READY!!!

Happy big 4-0 to my brother Jeff today!!! He's officially an old man now!!

Inching closer to Thursday!!

Holy Moly!! Only 3 more work days until Thursday!!

I got on the scale this morning and it appears that since I started WW 10 weeks ago and adding in my last two weeks protein diet.. I've lost a total of 26 lbs!! That's just crazy to me.. hopefully this is a good sign and I'm going to keep on keeping on..

Last night, we went to a comedy show with some friends and besides my jeans nearly falling off me, I actually woke up this morning sore b/c I was laughing my ass off!! I must of worked some stomach muscles in the process!!

Timmy and I spent the afternoon running errands and getting everything I need for Thursday and beyond. I'm fully stocked with broths, jello, pain meds, heating pads, night shirts, everything!!

So, my number 5 is that I cannot wait to get a little thinner so that when some douche-bag parks his car 2 inches from mine, I don't have to suck in so hard or better yet, get in through the passenger side.. I almost keyed a car today at Target.. !

Making a List..

This weekend is major Prep Time for the big day.. I've been making a list of things I will need for the first couple of days post-surgery so I'm completely prepared.. stocking up on:

*Liquid Tylenol (the kids' version)
*Gas X strips - for the painful gas that accompanies post surgery pain
*all types of broths
*protein packets to put in water, broth, jello
*jello
*filling my script for Pain Killers and anti-nausea
*Protein shake mixes for the after clear liquid phase
*crystal light

I think I'm ready!!
I had a great dinner last night with Joy and Michelle!! Such a good time to just chat and laugh!!
Tonight we are going to see a comedien Angelah Johnson - she's hilarious!! will post a link of some of her stuff later.

My #6 comes out of a conversation we were having last night in the bathroom.. I want to get to the point where if I wanted to buy "skinny jeans" I can!!

Oh, and let's hope Michelle's dream that I get so small that I could fit in a pocket doesn't happen!!! :)

Happy Birthday to ME!!!

I am 38 today.. gosh, how did I get to be so old?? The only thing I keep thinking today is at least I'm not 40 yet!!! I thought I'd be so much further on in life at 38 than I am.. you know, owning a house (even though I've already done that twice), having a couple of kids, financial stability.. all the things you expect to happen at this age. BUT, for me, life is much different than that. I have a great life, no lie, and am thankful for all the things I DO have and try not to dwell on the things I don't. I know that in today's day and age, people are settling down later in life, having kids later, but I just keep thinking, "I'm going to be in my 50's when my kid is learning how to drive.." that's a frightening thought!! Not that being in the 50s is old.. heck, my parents and my aunts and uncles seem like spring chickens in their 60s and 70s now.. I'm hoping it's all in the genes and I'll pick up that trait as well!!

So, enough of the pity party.. my birthday has been GREAT!!! My work peeps are all awesome and we all went out to lunch together. Tonight, I'm going out with Michelle and Joy for din-din.. and then tomorrow night, a couple of girlfriends and their spouses and I are going to see Angelah Johnson, a hilarious comedien. Unfortunately, this will be the first "dry" birthday I've had in like 20 years since I'm following the pre-op diet to a T and there's no drinking allowed.. oh well, I'll be the designated driver I guess!! :)

I'm skipping a couple of numbers to get back on track!! Cheating I know..

So, my Number 7 is: So I don't have to give excuses for being over weight. I was talking with a woman I work with yesterday and I was telling her that a lot of my weight issues are b/c of my thyroid issues, but the reality is, my thyroid is only 1/2 the issue.. I over eat, I enjoy food and I eat too much.. I'm tired of talking about!!! I'm so glad I'm doing this next week!!

Happy Weekend.

He had me at Burrito..

I knew it would happen sooner or later.. my chipper little love of these protein shakes would die and I knew there would come a day when I would beat down a co-worker for a taste of her bagel.. yesterday was the day it happened. It started with my morning jaunt to the cafe at work to get my iced tea with Jen. Jen proceeded to get a bagel and while we were riding up the elevator, all I could think of was, how do I get this bagel out of her hands and chow it down.. luckily the elevator doors opened and I snapped back into reality. Then, as the day progressed, and my meals continued to be unappetizing, I walked by another co-workers cube and saw not one, but two delicious looking blue frosted cupcakes.. it was rough to just pass her by.. but knowing that the blue frosting would give me away, I decided to forgo my urge..
I had my daily shake and it sucked the life right out of me..
On my way home, I called Timmy and he was telling me about his day and all words spoken after he mentioned the word "burrito" were a blur.. all I could focus on was that burrito and how jealous I was that he had the great fortune to be able to eat one..

So yeah, this pre-op diet was really hard yesterday.. not sure if it was b/c I was bored with my meals or just really hungry and wanting more, but the day sucked!!

Today is a little better. I tried a different pre-made protein shake and drank only 1/2 of it and allowed myself to some scrambled eggs, which may have been the best scrambled eggs ever consumed..

I know this will all be worth it and I just have to keep telling myself that. It's hard to imagine that a week from today, at this time, I will be banded for life.. it's been a long time coming. I know better things are ahead.

Speaking of better things.. yesterday while I was walking, I could hear my pants swishing together.. how annoying is that!! How I can't wait for that to not happen - for my thighs to slim down so my pants don't swish.. that's my number 10!!!

WHAT does that Scale Say??

Say What?? I got on the scale this morning, as I do EVERY MORNING (sorry, perpetual dieter's habit.. ) and it appears that I've lost 10 lbs since last Thursday!! How in the world does that happen.. I mean, I know that I've been eating next to nothing (well, drinking next to nothing) but I didnt' imagine that I would have lost this much so fast.. It's like I'm shrinking before my eyes (ok, a little overdramatic) Nothing fits any differently though which is a bummer.. I still feel like bloated and tight in my pants!!! :)



Anyhoo.. the protein shake/lean meat/green salad seems to be going pretty well. I only feel a little weak in the morning but by afternoon, I feel pretty good!! My memory is fading quickly though and I can't remember what number I'm supposed to be on.. hang on.. gotta go back and check!!

Ok, number 12 is to buy smaller bras.. it's no secret that my boobs are ginormous.. I'm hoping what they say is true, the first you lose is usually your boobs!! I say Hallelujah to that theory

Number 11 - when I get into the car after Timmy has driven it, I always have to move the seat way further back.. now, Timmy DOES have some short little legs, but I know it's also b/c I've got more cushion in my tush and it makes me ride a little higher in the seat!!

I think I'm a little off on my numbers and that could very well be true since I've never been real good at math.. but judging by my finger counting, number 1 will actually be posted on the 30th, which is the day AFTER surgery.. so I may skip a couple in the 10s.. plus, it's really hard to keep coming up with reasons!!! :)

Hot, Hot, Hot.....

Seriously Mother Nature... are you kidding me?? Why is it 100+ in October??? Come on!!!

For those living in states outside of the Southwest, that may seem like heaven given that you've been freezing your buns off in sub-40 degree weather lately, but I'm sick of it!! I'm a firm believer that October is meant for light sweaters, jeans, boots and scarves.. Arizona unfortunately does not agree with me.. maybe this is why people who actually grew up in AZ are just not that right..

Anywho... got another 9 hours of sleep last night and feeling good so far today!! Tried a new Protein Shake that I ordered a sample of off the internet and it was good!! Dessert Protein in Chocolate Coconut is yummo! I made the Cinnamon Roll one for Timmy and I almost traded him but alas, he hates coconut (never knew!) so I got my original.

And, Michigan State Scores!! (sorry, small sidebar while I watch this game!)

Last night we had dinner out.. it was interesting to say the least! Timmy was a champ and moved the bread to the opposite side of the table, which I appreciated. I ordered some Grilled Shrimp Skewers and Grilled Asparagus and it was just the right amount. It's amazing how you feel when you aren't full!! I could get used to this! I had a couple of light headed moments yesterday but just had a piece of cheese and a little peanut butter and was all better. I definitely have to watch the not having sugar portion of this pre-op diet. I figure a tsp of all natural peanut butter isn't going to hurt me too much.

We have no plans this weekend except to do a little cleaning, I'm catching up on all my DVR'd shows and we are planning on getting my birthday gift - a BIKE!! I can't wait to tool around town on my new bike. I'm hoping Michelle's getting one as well when she gets back so we can ride... speaking of Michelle, I can't wait until she and KD get back! I've missed them so much!!

Ok, number 13 is to be able to go out in the heat and not sweat like a beast b/c I'm carrying around this load of weight.. i thought that was appropriate for a hot day like today!

xo, js..

***Oh, I'm a huge fan of sending ecards and funny sites like someecards.com, but I found this other one that is not for the faint of heart.. it's completely blunt.. might be why it's called bluntcard.com.. hilarious!!

Feelin good..

So Day 2 on the pre-op is not so bad! I feel 100x better than yesterday, could be from the 9+ hours of sleep that I had last night b/c I was hungry and just decided that going to bed was the best bet for the night!! Today has been a better day emotionally as well.. I feel much better - maybe b/c I got it all out yesterday!! No chairs were flipped, no bruises obtained, not many f'bombs dropped.. overall, a successful day!!

I also tried two new Protein shakes - Muscle Milk in chocolate (Timmy bought them for me at the grocery store after I asked him for the Vanilla in the milk container, he brought home the chocolate in the floppy bottle - oh well! he tried) and it was good! Tasted a little like chalk at first but I was able to stomach it! THEN, the piece d'resitance(sp?) was a little protein packet shake I got at Sprouts. I mixed it with some Fat Free Milk and used the Magic Bullet that Jen brought into work for me.. it was cookies n'cream and was DELISH!! So, I'm sticking to those!!

Tonight Timmy and I are going to dinner - we'll see how that goes with me having to special order. And not drink the wine I love so much at this restaurant!!

So, my #13 is to never get in an elevator and have it jump up a little when I get in.. it sometimes happens when I get in with a group and I'm always scared it's me, but who knows if it is or not, I just don't want it ever to be me!! :)

Happy Weekend!!

Didn't have to search far for #14..

Are you ready for this?? I fell off my chair today. No, really.. I did. I was leaning over to pick up my work badge and I leaned a little too far, my chair rolled right back, dumped me on the ground and landed right on top of me. I'm sure I'll have a bruise the size of an armrest on my ass.. so, my number 14 is to lose some g.d. weight so that I don't tip a chair for god's sake..

Can you tell I've had a rough one?? Well, I have! My day 1 on my new pre-op diet has sucked majorly.. started off at 6:45 when I arrived to work to help out one of the PMs do a WEBEX. Webex's and me do not go together at 7:30.. I believe the last one I did at 7:30 resulted in tears of frustration and stress for me and sure as shit, so did today's.. there's something about technology at 7 am and me that does not mix.. as expected it was a cluster f and I had a mini-breakdown afterwards.. my poor co-worker had to talk me down from the ledge.. I guess I am a lot more stressed about things than I thought.. So, the day didn't get any better, didn't get any worse..

For my first meal, I had the girl downstairs make me a protein shake out of Vanilla Whey powder, ice and raspberries.. it was the nastiest thing I've ever had in my life.. it tasted like Comtrex cold syrup which is ICK! Then, I had a very big GREEN salad with spinich and broccoli and cucumbers with a grilled chicken breast. it was decent but it left me wanting more.. then around 3:00 I had a Muscle Milk Vanilla Protein Shake.. not sure if it was just b/c I had the shitty shake earlier but this shake tasted to me like a shake from Chik-fil-a.. it was so good!! So, I'm off to hi-health to get some more of those..

I definitely had my moments today but thankfully I have some awesome girlfriends at work who cheered me on and helped me strategize for the next couple of weeks. I am sincerely grateful for all the support I have here and everywhere!

Might just go to bed so I don't think about food tonight!! I know it will get better.. I keep telling myself that!

The Last Supper

Well, Well, Well.. here we are.. the day before my life officially sucks for 2 weeks (or more!) I was officially cleared for surgery last night and I can't believe it's 2 weeks from tomorrow. Holy SMOKES!!! I met my surgeon.. he stared at me, we exchanged some pleasantries and he asked me if I had any questions.. I held off on "yeah, um, do you have a personality or all you all hands and brains??" So, then I got all the information I needed for the next couple of weeks, the day of the surgery and beyond. I have a lot of stuff to take care of pre-surgery like get my prescription filled for the pain killers, stock up on "clear" liquids for the first couple of days and generally just get prepared. Am I prepared?? My boss Justin was all 20 questions with me this morning asking me all sorts of questions about my mental readiness for this and while I kept saying yes, his questions did bring up a lot of thought in my brain! I really do think I'm prepared for all the changes. I was really frustrated with Timmy last night b/c I don't think he fully grasps how different things are going to be and how hard it will be at first, but I'm trying to come up with a way to drill it into his head.. any ideas??

So anyways.. tonight is my last supper.. technically I've been eating all day though! Lisa and I are going out to dinner tonight with an old co-worker tonight and I plan to eat some things that I won't be able to eat post-surgery like Chicken Wings and Grilled Cheese and some beer of course (total sidenote but I did find out that I will be able to have a beer or two around 2 months after the surgery - Yippee!!! ) and then tomorrow I start my pre-op diet of Protein Shakes and no carbs/sugar/carbonated beverages.. WISH ME LUCK!!

On to my list:

#16 - I want to be around to celebrate my 40th Wedding Anniversary with Timmy. My parents and in-laws both celebrated theirs this year and I really think that by doing this, I'm going to extend my life expectancy

#15 - I want someone to be able to give me a piggy back ride and not break their back!

Oh MY!! Way Behind!!

Hey peeps, I'm back.. in the USA!! I tell you, I needed to get out of that country asap otherwise, I would forever be in a food/beer induced coma for weeks leading up to my surgery.. the crazy thing is, even with all the eating and drinking, I don't think I gained a pound, which is fabulous! could have been from all the trips to the bano as they say in Mexico.. but I don't know? ;)

So, I'm super way behind.. I don't know if I can come up with as many as I need to but I'll try!!

#24 - I can't wait to have lower grocery bills.. I mean, Timmy and I are freaks already when we see how much we've saved on every trip to the store.. imagine how stoked we'll be when we are just buying so much less since I'll be eating so much less!!! More money for the new outfits I'll need b/c I'll be the Incredible Shrinking Woman!!!

#23 - I want to turn heads, and not in the way that I currently do..

#22 - I want to be in a wedding and have the same dress that looks good on all the bridesmaids look good on me. We saw a couple of weddings this weekend in PV and there was a dress that 3 bridesmaids were wearing that was to die for.. I want to have that satisfaction that I don't need a "special size" dress.. not that I'm sure I'll ever be in a wedding again but just in case, it's a goal.

#21 - I need to avoid Diabetes. A couple of years ago, I was going to a naturpathic doctor and she said I was borderline Type 2 diabetic.. I freaked.. went on a cleanse and got myself in better physical shape. I did not want to carry one more problem around with me like my thyroid issues..

#20 - I want to be a candidate to donate a kidney. My dad will eventually need a kidney and it was like a punch in the gut to hear the coordinator tell me that I could not even be tested b/c my BMI was too high.. Even if I can't donate, I want to at least see if it's a possibility for him.

#19 - I want to stop comparing myself to other chubbos.. there was a very large woman on our trip and I kept looking at her and hoping that I did not look like her. I even asked both Timmy and Shannon and they assured me that I didn't but they could have been just being nice.. I don't want to be someone that another chubbo compares herself to either..

#18 - I can't wait to eat a little and be full!!! The biggest issue I had this past week was that I was eating but was never stuffed, nor was I ever hungry though either!! I think there was something in the food that made it that way!!!

#17 - I want to go parasailing!!! Most of the girls and Timmy went on Tim's birthday but I was too afraid that I might not fit the weight requirement so I didn't even check into it. I had a great time while they went but it was kind of embarrassing.

Ok, so I think I'm caught up. I'm starting to feel really embarrassed by all of these goals.. I like to think of myself as a positive person whose weight does not define me, but after re-reading some of these, I feel like maybe my weight does define me.. should I be having all of these feelings? If it didn't define me, would I be worried about all the superficial stuff?? So maybe it does.. all I know is that I don't ever want to go back to who I am today weight-wise.. never again..

Hola from Mexico!!!

Just jumped on here for sec.. we are having an amazing time!!! We are so lucky to have such great buddies!! Everyone has been so fun! The weather has been almost perfect, save for a couple of thunderstorms here and there.. we're all tanned and sunburned and have been maintaining a good buzz all weekend long!!! We'll be sad to leave tomorrow but happy to have such fun memories we can all laugh about!!
The food is pretty good and we've all been eating enough to last us for months if we ever got stuck on a deserted island.. what a way for Timmy to usher out his 30s and me to get ready to start a new chapter in life..

I'll blog more on Monday after we've come back home!!

xo,
me

Self-Diagnosing..

I think the Internet is the devil... no, I mean it.. I realize that I'm currently using the internet to post this little diddy and I use it all day, but for the love, I'm going crazy researching this whole surgery thing I got coming up in less than 4 weeks!!! I need to stop reading the blogs b/c I'm psyching myself out and getting uber confused with what people say it's going to be like.

Hell, I'm a self-diagnoser for sure.. I have a headache and I go to WebMD and diagnose myself with a brain aneurism (sp?), I'm convinced I've had a 30 lb tumor in my belly for years.. just no doctor will believe me, I've been menopausal 3 times in my life, pregant at least 20 times.. you see where this is going?? I think I get this from my mother.. she used to self-diagnose all the time out of this big medical book we had at home!

So, I'm swearing off the internet when it comes to this surgery.. I'm going to follow doctor's orders ONLY!!

Get the Funk out.. and a small victory worth mentioning..

So, I had a fabulous weekend!! I spent some quality time with some friends that I hadn't seen in a while and it was so fun! On Friday, I went over to my friend Diane's house and we had a slumber party! I met Diane on a blogging site called Multiply. We met about 2 years ago when I invited her and her husband to over for the Michigan State/UM game. We all instantly clicked (could be the Michigan connection.. seems like everyone from Michigan gets along!! ) and have been friends ever since. We don't see each other very often but when we do, we just pick up where we left off. One of the other online buddies came to stay with Diane and I got a chance to meet her. Mel has been an "online" friend of mine for about 3 years and this was our first meeting. She was just as fabulous as I thought she'd be. The 3 of us just hung out, gossiped, laughed and drank some cocktails. I definitely needed the quality time with friends this weekend after the ridiculous week I had at work.





On Saturday, MSU won!!! WOOOT!!! So exciting!! Later on the day, Timmy and I went to our friends Clay and Nicole's house and had dinner. Again, we don't see Clay and Nicole very often to both of our busy schedules and their kiddos multiple activity involvent. But again, our relationship with them is sooo easy. It's a priceless friendship - the boys get along, and Nic and I could talk for hours. It's definitely good for my soul to have such awesome friends!





In 3 days, we'll be in Mexico!!! today, we spent running around getting last minute things bought for the trip. I can't wait to see the Chicago crowd down there!!





so, on to my small victory today. I went to Old Navy and bought a couple of shirts.. there, that's it.. so, you are probably wondering, "what's the big deal with that? anyone can go to Old Navy and buy some shirts" and my response to you is this.. not EVERYONE can just go to the Old Navy and buy clothes.. they don't have chubby people clothes there, only online. Well, I was looking for a hat to wear in Mexico but wandered into the sale area and found a couple of shirts that looked like they might fit AND THEY DID!!! I was so excited!! My little 13 lb weight loss so far is obviously doing something for me.. Never mind that I'll probably gain it all back in Mexico (I'm going to try not to!!) but, it was exciting!!





On my goals, these are getting harder for me to do, but I'll keep plugging away:

#27 - when I look in a full length mirror, I want to not just look at my face and then look immediately down at my shoes.. never looking in between...

#26 - I think I mentioned this before when I first started blogging, but I want to run a 5K

#25 - wear a bathing suit without having to immediately jump in the pool or worry about people staring

OH, you know how I mentioned that I wanted to wear sleeveless tops?? Well, watch out friends who are traveling to Mexico with me... I'm gonna be showing off the arms!! Don't be alarmed!!!

Zipping on to #28

Holy Smokes.. number 28.. yikes!! Now it's all starting to seem a little real!!
I begin the process of getting ready (as if the last year wasn't enough of getting ready) for the surgery tomorrow when I go in for labs. Then on the 13th, I have my final pre-op appointment, the 15th starts the pre-op diet (fast, as I like to refer to it) - Oh, don't you even second guess that on the 14th I'll be chowing down some good eats!! :)

So, #28 - We are going to Mexico as you all know and I was telling my friend JRo that I know that everyone's going to want to go zip-lining while we are there and I'm afraid that I'm over the weight limit to do it.. how embarassing.. So, she suggested that my goal for today was that I won't have to worry about things like that after the surgery. I shouldn't have to worrry about anything but having fun, and unfortunately, that's not the case at the moment.

Still in a funk.. work needs to start being fun again..

#30 and #29

I could not come up with a witty title today.. I'm tired, and kind of cranky with a work situation.. So, I have nothing funny to add or say really today..

#30 - I want to be able to sit at my desk and cross my legs.. (i know it sounds like that's a no brainer but when you are chubby, your legs don't exactly stay crossed)

#29 - I'm sick of being an emotional eater.. when I get stressed I eat, when I'm pissed, I look for food to comfort me. Truth is, it doesn't comfort me really all that much, I actually ate a brownie yesterday after weighing in at Weight Watchers (lost another 1.8 yahoo!) and it made me sick to my stomach.. I can't wait to get the lap band and I get the cues that I'm full and can't eat any more..

I can't believe it's 29 days to my surgery.. what a month October is going to be.

Take a picture, already!!

So, again, I'm behind. Shocking, huh?? Get used to it b/c lately, I'm behind on everything!! Doesn't help that I've been hanging out with my parents all weekend and blogging is the last thing on my mind!!

I asked Kath if she wanted to be a guest blogger today but she declined. So, you get me.. again.

This weekend, I've had several reminders of why I'm having the surgery. We headed up to Flaggstaff and Sedona yesterday and had an awesome time, but there were those pesky reminders which will help with today's blogs!!!

#34 - I used to love getting my picture taken.. I always thought I was somewhat photogenic, however, since the weight has piled on, I dread getting in a picture. See examples below.. I can always find something wrong with my photo, whether it be my 3 chins, huge boobs, big belly, (I always ask to be photo'd boobs up, but sometimes it's not all about me.. :) ) greasy face, crooked smile, etc.. the list goes on.. here are a couple of shots from this weekend.. one is scary and the other one is somewhat decent..

I mean, look at those arms.. ick... plus my head looks about 10 times bigger than Timmy's!!!

I actually like this next one.. maybe b/c it's a little blurry and I'm looking shorter than Timmy, but in actuality, I'm just not standing on a rock!! :)

So, all that being said, I'd like to be able to be happy with random pictures and not have to view them all before they get posted on FB with my name attached with them!! :)

#33 - lucky #33!! I think I was 33 the last time I wore shorts.. which would make that about 5 years, actually I think it may have been closer to 29, but just go with me on this one.. I can't stand to see my chub legs in shorts.. I know that this is not just a chubby girl issue, but seriously, I'm dying of heat all the time in my capris, jeans and yoga pants!!

#32 - We went on the Pink Jeep tour in Sedona (total touristy thing to do, but soo fun too!) and there was another chubby person on the tour with us and I spent a good deal of time comparing myself to her.. "do I look that big" "are my legs that cottage cheesy"... blah, blah, blah.. I can't wait for the day when I'm just happy with me, and I don't have to do that "do I look like that" comparison..

#31 - I want a bike for my birthday! I don't want to constantly have to fill up the tires when I get said bike.. I got on one the other day and granted the tires were totally flat, but can you imagine what went through my mind when I got on and noticed that the tires went smooshing down?? Yeah, I hate that feeling!!

I promise to be back to regularity this week!! It's been awesome having my parents in town. They are so supportive and fun to be around! I'm a lucky girl.

Just My Luck - a tale of see-thru shirts and broken bling..

I'm not a very lucky girl. In fact, if you ask most people who know me well, they would tell you that in general, if something bad is going to happen, it's going to happen to me! My mom once told me that I could write a blog alone on just the crazy things that happen to me day to day..
for instance, most of you know (who am I kidding, I think a total of 4 people read this thing anyways!!) how this spring I had not one, but two foot incidences! Both on the same foot within a month from each other - one a stress fracture caused by who know's what and the 2nd a nearly broken foot/bruised ankle caused by falling on the ground in front of my doctor's office whilst wearing some cute springy shoes!! I had to wear a boot for 3 weeks for the 1st problem and as soon as the boot came off, bam, on the ground I went!! I literally could not walk for at least 4 days and for weeks after, I hobbled around.. what a mess!!

So, on to my story today. I bought some cute t-shirts at the good ole' LB this past weekend and put on what I thought was a really cute outfit this morning. Tan work capris, cute off white t and some new bling I bought at Target that pretty much exactly matched the shoes I am wearing.. I left the house thinking, "Damn Girl, you look good today".. I get to work, get in the elevator and to my horror, I see that not only can you see my bright cream bra but also my skin and the pants waist through my shirt!! Ok.. don't panic, you have this big necklace on, it'll draw any attention from the see-through shirt ( I got several compliments on the way in alone).. So, I ask my little fashion forward co-worker who sits next to me if the see-throughness is bad.. She says "no, don't you have a shirt on underneath" and I'm like " Sweetie, no.. this is my bra.. I know you've probably never seen so much fabric on one's chest such as mine, but it's no shirt!" So, she said "oh, it looks fine, your necklace is cute.. " So, I go to the bathroom and I'm sitting there doing my business (number 1 thankyouverymuch) and reading the wall newsad and suddenly I hear pop and then 3 million little beads fall onto the floor and scatter.. SHIT.. there goes my necklace!!! I mean, beads EVERYWHERE!!! Sort of everywhere that I started laughing to myself b/c I was thinking of those movies when people walk into a room and there's beads/balls everywhere and they start falling.. I could see it now.. "Mass Casualties in the ladies room caused by runaway mini-beads.. " I tried to get as many beads as I could, but they were everywhere. So, I think I have to go home and change due this horrible wardrobe malfunction. That's not real convenient though. My other co-worker, Sunshine, suggests that I go to Target which is right across the street. Great IDEA!! I marched myself and my handful of beads right to that customer service desk and demanded a refund for my defective necklace which is now only half a necklace due to said bead debacle... I got my refund, picked up a new necklace AND a camisole to go under my see-through shirt and all is right with the world now..

OH, and by the way, my #35 is to not fear booths at restaurants!!! I break out in a sweat thinking I may have to sit in a booth and GASP, not fit!!! :)

Backlog...

I'm so behind on my countdown!!! Well, not really THAT far behind.. if my calculations are correct, I owe #38, #37, and #36, right??

Ok, so for #38 in honor of the age I am turning in exactly a month, I would like to say my goal is to wear a smokin dress for my #39th birthday next year.. with that dress, I'd like to either wear my #37 - high heels without worrying about breaking the heel, or #36 - tall black boots that fit over my calves ( I love, love, love the look of tall boots, but my calves have always been to big to buy them.. )..

I've also been reading a lot of blogs from people who have had the surgery. Some are truly inspiring and have me super excited for the surgery and some have me completely freaked out!! Here are some things I have gleaned from the blogs - some things that I can expect -

*The first day post will be rough - lots of pain and unable to eat much, if anything, at all.
* When you have the surgery, they pump your body with gas (CO2, maybe?) and after the surgery that gas builds up in all sorts of wierd places in your body - like your shoulders and neck and legs.. so there's some pain associated with that - they recommend walking around a lot and using a heating pad (note to self, must get new heating pad)
* I'll be on total liquid diet for about 2 weeks post-op. Jealous?? I'm going to start buying some protein stuff to "test" so that when the time comes, I'm at least drinking something that I enjoy
* I'll be on mushy foods for about 2 weeks after the liquids.. I tell you, I'm going to be a fun, fun, date!!
* I can start exercising about 2 weeks after but can't do a ton.. this is good news b/c I'm determined to not have that saggy skin that lays around your mid-section after you lose a lot of weight!!

I'm really trying to focus on the positives but I do have a little fear. I'm hopeful that since I'm so tough, I'll be able to bounce back. I really don't ever get sick and rarely ever have any side effects to much, so I'm really really praying this will be a walk in the park!!

Heading into the 30s backwards.. #39

So, I went to see PINK last night in concert. First off, can I say HOLY SMOKES is she amazing. Her voice is phenomenal, the concert was like a circus and the place was rocking.. and I won't even mention her sick, cut, toned body.. ridiculous!

I kept saying, "she's really energetic" b/c I seriously was exhausted just watching her run around the stage, jump up and down, dance, etc.. so I got to thinking, how great would it be to have THAT much energy!!

You can see where this is going.. my #39 is have 1/4th of the energy that PINK has.. I think that will do me just fine!! :)

40 - just like Timmy's going to be in less than a month!!!

The BIG 4-0 is quickly approaching for Mr. Stull!!! And he can't wait!! Partly b/c we'll be celebrating with some of our closest friends in Puerto Vallarta!

But, Tim's 40th has NOTHING to do with my number 40 goal!!!

I wanna be a hot mom! I went to a girlfriend of mine's little boy's 2nd birthday party today and every single mom there was a hot mom. As a matter of fact, all the moms I know are Hot Moms!! If I had a kiddo right now, I guarantee that I would NOT be a hot mom!! So there it is, when I get skinnier, have a baby, I'm going to be a hot mama!! :)

Fa Fa Fa Forty - One

I wanna be able to do this!!

In Yoga, this is called Paschimottanasana

I've been taking yoga for the past couple of months here at work, and while I'm no Yogi (isn't that what they call themselves??) I am in love with the practice.. I am surprisingly (not so to me though) flexible with most of the poses and even with my bigger frame, am able to do a lot with little difficulty.. However, this pose above eludes me.. I have so much going on between my neck and my legs (big boobs, bigger belly) that this almost suffocates me when I bend forward.. my boobs lift right into my neck and constrict my air flow.. it ain't pretty!!! So, I'm hoping the slimmer I get, the more I'll be able to do this position, but for now I'll just keep on trying to breathe!! :)

Happy Weekend!!

Laugh, Dance, Love #42

My number 42 goal is to lose weight so that when I go to ELLEN and dance in the aisles, that dreaded 10 lbs that the camera adds won't bother me one bit!!!

Michelle and I are obsessed with Ellen and we always talk about going on her show so one day, taking a break from work, I went on to her website and looked to see how to get tickets and pulled up the calendar for November and clicked on the only date that said "Get Tickets". I put in the number of tickets I desired (3 - one for me, one for Michelle and one for Angela who lives in LA and who would most likely be housing us for the night! ) I honestly thought that I would put my information in there and would never hear back from anyone but lo and behold, Danny from the Ellen show called me two days later and asked me if I was still interested in attending and I said HELL YEAH!!! So, on November 17th, turn on your TVs (most likely won't be played on that day but just follow along with me!) and watch out for the three of us dancing in the aisles with Ellen and Tony!! Now, if only we could figure out how to get actually ON the show!!! :)

Me and My Shadow.. #43

While I was walking home from Michelle's the other night and it was dark, I caught a glimpse of my shadow and realized that my shadow looks very similar to an oompa loompa, minus the orange face and goofy outfit!!

So, my reason #43 is so that I can rock my shadow!!! :)

Promise to be back to real blogs tomorrow!!

The BIG #44

A year from now, I want to be able to watch The Biggest Loser and not wish like heck that I could be a contestant on it.. I can't tell you how much I see myself in so many of those people.. while most people watch that show b/c it's inspiring, I watch it b/c I can totally relate and I can understand their struggles and their heartache that has come with being large and not in charge of their lives..

So, I'm saying it now.. I don't ever want to be considered for The Biggest Loser after this!!

My new fave on the show said something that really sticks out to me and it's something that I said in my very first blog.. "this weight does not define me.. " That's right Abby!!! :)

Reason #45

*** I want to go to a baseball game/sports game/concert and not worry that my fat booty will be too big for the seats.. *** we went to a baseball game on Saturday and I felt like we were smooshed in like sardines.. hate that feeling..