#30 and #29

I could not come up with a witty title today.. I'm tired, and kind of cranky with a work situation.. So, I have nothing funny to add or say really today..

#30 - I want to be able to sit at my desk and cross my legs.. (i know it sounds like that's a no brainer but when you are chubby, your legs don't exactly stay crossed)

#29 - I'm sick of being an emotional eater.. when I get stressed I eat, when I'm pissed, I look for food to comfort me. Truth is, it doesn't comfort me really all that much, I actually ate a brownie yesterday after weighing in at Weight Watchers (lost another 1.8 yahoo!) and it made me sick to my stomach.. I can't wait to get the lap band and I get the cues that I'm full and can't eat any more..

I can't believe it's 29 days to my surgery.. what a month October is going to be.

Take a picture, already!!

So, again, I'm behind. Shocking, huh?? Get used to it b/c lately, I'm behind on everything!! Doesn't help that I've been hanging out with my parents all weekend and blogging is the last thing on my mind!!

I asked Kath if she wanted to be a guest blogger today but she declined. So, you get me.. again.

This weekend, I've had several reminders of why I'm having the surgery. We headed up to Flaggstaff and Sedona yesterday and had an awesome time, but there were those pesky reminders which will help with today's blogs!!!

#34 - I used to love getting my picture taken.. I always thought I was somewhat photogenic, however, since the weight has piled on, I dread getting in a picture. See examples below.. I can always find something wrong with my photo, whether it be my 3 chins, huge boobs, big belly, (I always ask to be photo'd boobs up, but sometimes it's not all about me.. :) ) greasy face, crooked smile, etc.. the list goes on.. here are a couple of shots from this weekend.. one is scary and the other one is somewhat decent..

I mean, look at those arms.. ick... plus my head looks about 10 times bigger than Timmy's!!!

I actually like this next one.. maybe b/c it's a little blurry and I'm looking shorter than Timmy, but in actuality, I'm just not standing on a rock!! :)

So, all that being said, I'd like to be able to be happy with random pictures and not have to view them all before they get posted on FB with my name attached with them!! :)

#33 - lucky #33!! I think I was 33 the last time I wore shorts.. which would make that about 5 years, actually I think it may have been closer to 29, but just go with me on this one.. I can't stand to see my chub legs in shorts.. I know that this is not just a chubby girl issue, but seriously, I'm dying of heat all the time in my capris, jeans and yoga pants!!

#32 - We went on the Pink Jeep tour in Sedona (total touristy thing to do, but soo fun too!) and there was another chubby person on the tour with us and I spent a good deal of time comparing myself to her.. "do I look that big" "are my legs that cottage cheesy"... blah, blah, blah.. I can't wait for the day when I'm just happy with me, and I don't have to do that "do I look like that" comparison..

#31 - I want a bike for my birthday! I don't want to constantly have to fill up the tires when I get said bike.. I got on one the other day and granted the tires were totally flat, but can you imagine what went through my mind when I got on and noticed that the tires went smooshing down?? Yeah, I hate that feeling!!

I promise to be back to regularity this week!! It's been awesome having my parents in town. They are so supportive and fun to be around! I'm a lucky girl.

Just My Luck - a tale of see-thru shirts and broken bling..

I'm not a very lucky girl. In fact, if you ask most people who know me well, they would tell you that in general, if something bad is going to happen, it's going to happen to me! My mom once told me that I could write a blog alone on just the crazy things that happen to me day to day..
for instance, most of you know (who am I kidding, I think a total of 4 people read this thing anyways!!) how this spring I had not one, but two foot incidences! Both on the same foot within a month from each other - one a stress fracture caused by who know's what and the 2nd a nearly broken foot/bruised ankle caused by falling on the ground in front of my doctor's office whilst wearing some cute springy shoes!! I had to wear a boot for 3 weeks for the 1st problem and as soon as the boot came off, bam, on the ground I went!! I literally could not walk for at least 4 days and for weeks after, I hobbled around.. what a mess!!

So, on to my story today. I bought some cute t-shirts at the good ole' LB this past weekend and put on what I thought was a really cute outfit this morning. Tan work capris, cute off white t and some new bling I bought at Target that pretty much exactly matched the shoes I am wearing.. I left the house thinking, "Damn Girl, you look good today".. I get to work, get in the elevator and to my horror, I see that not only can you see my bright cream bra but also my skin and the pants waist through my shirt!! Ok.. don't panic, you have this big necklace on, it'll draw any attention from the see-through shirt ( I got several compliments on the way in alone).. So, I ask my little fashion forward co-worker who sits next to me if the see-throughness is bad.. She says "no, don't you have a shirt on underneath" and I'm like " Sweetie, no.. this is my bra.. I know you've probably never seen so much fabric on one's chest such as mine, but it's no shirt!" So, she said "oh, it looks fine, your necklace is cute.. " So, I go to the bathroom and I'm sitting there doing my business (number 1 thankyouverymuch) and reading the wall newsad and suddenly I hear pop and then 3 million little beads fall onto the floor and scatter.. SHIT.. there goes my necklace!!! I mean, beads EVERYWHERE!!! Sort of everywhere that I started laughing to myself b/c I was thinking of those movies when people walk into a room and there's beads/balls everywhere and they start falling.. I could see it now.. "Mass Casualties in the ladies room caused by runaway mini-beads.. " I tried to get as many beads as I could, but they were everywhere. So, I think I have to go home and change due this horrible wardrobe malfunction. That's not real convenient though. My other co-worker, Sunshine, suggests that I go to Target which is right across the street. Great IDEA!! I marched myself and my handful of beads right to that customer service desk and demanded a refund for my defective necklace which is now only half a necklace due to said bead debacle... I got my refund, picked up a new necklace AND a camisole to go under my see-through shirt and all is right with the world now..

OH, and by the way, my #35 is to not fear booths at restaurants!!! I break out in a sweat thinking I may have to sit in a booth and GASP, not fit!!! :)

Backlog...

I'm so behind on my countdown!!! Well, not really THAT far behind.. if my calculations are correct, I owe #38, #37, and #36, right??

Ok, so for #38 in honor of the age I am turning in exactly a month, I would like to say my goal is to wear a smokin dress for my #39th birthday next year.. with that dress, I'd like to either wear my #37 - high heels without worrying about breaking the heel, or #36 - tall black boots that fit over my calves ( I love, love, love the look of tall boots, but my calves have always been to big to buy them.. )..

I've also been reading a lot of blogs from people who have had the surgery. Some are truly inspiring and have me super excited for the surgery and some have me completely freaked out!! Here are some things I have gleaned from the blogs - some things that I can expect -

*The first day post will be rough - lots of pain and unable to eat much, if anything, at all.
* When you have the surgery, they pump your body with gas (CO2, maybe?) and after the surgery that gas builds up in all sorts of wierd places in your body - like your shoulders and neck and legs.. so there's some pain associated with that - they recommend walking around a lot and using a heating pad (note to self, must get new heating pad)
* I'll be on total liquid diet for about 2 weeks post-op. Jealous?? I'm going to start buying some protein stuff to "test" so that when the time comes, I'm at least drinking something that I enjoy
* I'll be on mushy foods for about 2 weeks after the liquids.. I tell you, I'm going to be a fun, fun, date!!
* I can start exercising about 2 weeks after but can't do a ton.. this is good news b/c I'm determined to not have that saggy skin that lays around your mid-section after you lose a lot of weight!!

I'm really trying to focus on the positives but I do have a little fear. I'm hopeful that since I'm so tough, I'll be able to bounce back. I really don't ever get sick and rarely ever have any side effects to much, so I'm really really praying this will be a walk in the park!!

Heading into the 30s backwards.. #39

So, I went to see PINK last night in concert. First off, can I say HOLY SMOKES is she amazing. Her voice is phenomenal, the concert was like a circus and the place was rocking.. and I won't even mention her sick, cut, toned body.. ridiculous!

I kept saying, "she's really energetic" b/c I seriously was exhausted just watching her run around the stage, jump up and down, dance, etc.. so I got to thinking, how great would it be to have THAT much energy!!

You can see where this is going.. my #39 is have 1/4th of the energy that PINK has.. I think that will do me just fine!! :)

40 - just like Timmy's going to be in less than a month!!!

The BIG 4-0 is quickly approaching for Mr. Stull!!! And he can't wait!! Partly b/c we'll be celebrating with some of our closest friends in Puerto Vallarta!

But, Tim's 40th has NOTHING to do with my number 40 goal!!!

I wanna be a hot mom! I went to a girlfriend of mine's little boy's 2nd birthday party today and every single mom there was a hot mom. As a matter of fact, all the moms I know are Hot Moms!! If I had a kiddo right now, I guarantee that I would NOT be a hot mom!! So there it is, when I get skinnier, have a baby, I'm going to be a hot mama!! :)

Fa Fa Fa Forty - One

I wanna be able to do this!!

In Yoga, this is called Paschimottanasana

I've been taking yoga for the past couple of months here at work, and while I'm no Yogi (isn't that what they call themselves??) I am in love with the practice.. I am surprisingly (not so to me though) flexible with most of the poses and even with my bigger frame, am able to do a lot with little difficulty.. However, this pose above eludes me.. I have so much going on between my neck and my legs (big boobs, bigger belly) that this almost suffocates me when I bend forward.. my boobs lift right into my neck and constrict my air flow.. it ain't pretty!!! So, I'm hoping the slimmer I get, the more I'll be able to do this position, but for now I'll just keep on trying to breathe!! :)

Happy Weekend!!

Laugh, Dance, Love #42

My number 42 goal is to lose weight so that when I go to ELLEN and dance in the aisles, that dreaded 10 lbs that the camera adds won't bother me one bit!!!

Michelle and I are obsessed with Ellen and we always talk about going on her show so one day, taking a break from work, I went on to her website and looked to see how to get tickets and pulled up the calendar for November and clicked on the only date that said "Get Tickets". I put in the number of tickets I desired (3 - one for me, one for Michelle and one for Angela who lives in LA and who would most likely be housing us for the night! ) I honestly thought that I would put my information in there and would never hear back from anyone but lo and behold, Danny from the Ellen show called me two days later and asked me if I was still interested in attending and I said HELL YEAH!!! So, on November 17th, turn on your TVs (most likely won't be played on that day but just follow along with me!) and watch out for the three of us dancing in the aisles with Ellen and Tony!! Now, if only we could figure out how to get actually ON the show!!! :)

Me and My Shadow.. #43

While I was walking home from Michelle's the other night and it was dark, I caught a glimpse of my shadow and realized that my shadow looks very similar to an oompa loompa, minus the orange face and goofy outfit!!

So, my reason #43 is so that I can rock my shadow!!! :)

Promise to be back to real blogs tomorrow!!

The BIG #44

A year from now, I want to be able to watch The Biggest Loser and not wish like heck that I could be a contestant on it.. I can't tell you how much I see myself in so many of those people.. while most people watch that show b/c it's inspiring, I watch it b/c I can totally relate and I can understand their struggles and their heartache that has come with being large and not in charge of their lives..

So, I'm saying it now.. I don't ever want to be considered for The Biggest Loser after this!!

My new fave on the show said something that really sticks out to me and it's something that I said in my very first blog.. "this weight does not define me.. " That's right Abby!!! :)

Reason #45

*** I want to go to a baseball game/sports game/concert and not worry that my fat booty will be too big for the seats.. *** we went to a baseball game on Saturday and I felt like we were smooshed in like sardines.. hate that feeling..

Let's get back to business...

The original point of this blog was to talk about my weight loss surgery and I just noticed that I rarely do that! So, starting today, I'm getting back to the business at hand and will try to post more about the lead-in to the surgery! I just realized that in less than 46 days, I'm going under the knife to transform my life.. I'm starting to freak out a bit! Mostly I'm worried that I'm making the right decision, one that I won't regret. I don't think I will, but what about those days when I just really want to eat whatever I want or have a beer or two and the urge is too great?? You see, I'm an emotional eater, a celebratory drinker and and all-around party lover.. how am I going to handle those situations?? I can't just not go to things b/c I'll worry if whatever I eat comes back up or that I'll be annoyed with people who are drinking around me and I can't.. These are the things that I think about! I also know that not only am I going to be changing, but this will be a big change for everyone who I spend time with. I hope everyone is understanding that I won't be the exact same me...

BUT, one of the highlights I'm looking forward to is my BFF Shannon is coming into town when I have my surgery to help me out! I honestly think I can say that this is the nicest, most generous thing that anyone has ever done for me. I must have done something good to deserve such a kind-hearted friend.

So, for the next 46 days, I'm going to post a little something that I'm either hoping for as a result of my surgery, something I'm wishing for, etc.. so here's #46...

#46:

I want to not be limited to where I can shop for clothes..

Long time no Blog..

So, I have a new co-worker. She's very sunshiny and always positive and it's making me crazy!!! I'm just not that happy all the time!! I need a wee bit of bitchiness in my life, I'm noticing! Anyways... she's starting to learn little things about me and the last couple of days, we spent quite a bit of time together and she was telling me that she noticed that I'm always putting on lipstick or lipgloss.. ha! I told her that is one of my obsessions/quirks! So, we started to talk about what other quirky things are about us.. and I thought I'd write a blog about it!! Most of you who know me well will recognize a lot of these things about me, however, I have picked up a few new thingys about me in the past couple of years that you might be surprised about..

1. I am obsessed with having lipstick on my lips at all times (except when I'm sleeping!) there is something about my lips being bare that I cannot stand! I can't do clear lipbalm, chapstick, gloss, etc.. it has to have some color and it has to preferably be a color that goes with my skin tone! I remember once in Chicago, counting the number of lipsticks that I had in my purse and I think I had at least 20 lip products at one time!! No wonder I always need to carry a big purse!!!

2. I love anything with Buffalo Sauce on it.. you could put buffalo sauce on some brussel sprouts and I'd probably eat them.. sadly, I have not found a low fat Buffalo Sauce alternative so my days of eating anything buffalo style may be coming to an end soon...

3. I have a freakish knowledge of all things celebrity.... I've always been good at knowing what was going on with the celebs and I think if they would have had a degree in useless celebrity knowledge, I probably would have graduated with honors.. I don't know how I know all these things.. (sometimes my friends try to scoop me and they rarely can!) b/c I don't really spend a ton of time on celeb sites getting the news.. I'm just always in the know..

4. I'm becoming more and more like my mother everyday.. I can't go into a grocery store without having to go to the bathroom.. it's scary (sorry Kath! )

5. I love Facebook, although I'm thinking I need to de-friend some friends on there.. I hate when I post a status and people go all negative on there... for instance, I said "less than a month to Mexico" and this girl I used to work with wrote something like "Oh, I'm banned from Mexico - my cousin got raped and murdered last week in Cancun.. but I'm sure you'll be fine" Ummmmm, WTH?? How am I supposed to respond to that?

6. I'm really frugal but I like to pretend I'm not.. ever since the Great Depression hit the Stull Family, we've become extremely frugal.. nothing gets us more excited than seeing how much we saved at the grocery store at the bottom of the receipt!

7. French Pedicures on toes give me the heeby-jeebies.. no one's toes should be that long.. yuck! OH, and another thing with nails.. does anyone else but me notice that when there is an older lady working at a gas station, there's a 90% chance her nails are going to be painted that dirty peachy color.. ewwwwww

8. I'm one of those people who goes into a salon and says to the hairstylist, "I don't care what you do with my hair, just as long as I can style it myself".. I think I'm a hairstylist's dream!!! Although, ever since the Great Big Bang Debacle of 2008 (where I trusted some Russian dude / aka idiot with scissors to cut my hair and my bangs were all jacked up and STILL ARE!), I'm a little more cautious with the front part of my hair!

9. I really hate negative nellies... seriously, if you have only negative things to say about everything, don't sit next to me..

10. I wish I had a talent like singing or dancing.. which is funny b/c I start shaking at the knees if I ever have to publicly speak! Yesterday, someone gave me a microphone to use for crowd participation and I felt like I wanted to start belting out "Hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn.. say what?" (my new favorite song!!! )

I have a bajillion more things that I could write but work is calling my name!!

Ta Ta for Now!!

11. Ok, had to add another couple!!! As Michelle pointed out (and how can I forget?) I am obsessed with fountain pop and the ice that goes in it.. so much so that once we were up north and I made my mom stop at like 5 different places b/c I HAD to have a fountain diet coke.. (who knew everyplace between Petoskey and Pellston ONLY serves Diet Pepsi.. which is totally not the same thing!) and the ice.. while I prefer my ice to be crushed, I will take it any other way, as long as it fills up the cup!!!

12. I only will sit on the end of the aisle in movies.. I hate feeling like I'm blocked in by other people and have to step on toes to get out!!

13. I will only write with a medium point BLUE pen.. or a pencil. I hate black pens.. or fine point for that matter!!!

14. I am constantly worried that I don't have enough deodorant on!! My biggest fear is stinking!!