Up, Up, Up... goes the number on the scale :(

Do you hear the loud UGH every morning that comes from the 2nd floor of my house??  Yep, that's me.. every morning when I get on the scale.  I knew that when my dr. unfilled my band to half of what it was 3 months ago, I would gain some and I knew that it is normal to gain while pregnant, but what I didn't know or realize was how this would affect me so greatly.  Admittedly, I haven't been that fantastic about eating the best, but for the love.. can a girl who has lost 80 lbs get a break and not see the scale go up almost every day?  I'm an emotional wreck about it!  I know that in the end, a little sweet baby will be the result, but I gotta tell you, this is messing with me big time. I think I need an intervention. Otherwise, I'm scared I'm going to find myself in the exact same spot I was in October, 2009 and lord knows I don't want to go there.
I need to get it together and really focus on what I'm eating, not eat the shit that keeps ending up in front of me and really keep working out, which I've been pretty good at.  Wish me luck.

Other observances lately:

• Ok, so we all know I've never been pregnant.  So, we can assume I've never experienced some of the things that are happening with my body right??  So, when I bitch for a minute that I'm super exhausted b/c I get up every 1.5 hours to go to the bathroom every night, which leaves me with a total of about 5 hours of collective sleep, please don't laugh and say things like, "oh lord, you are a mess, just you wait until the baby comes and you get no sleep" or "get used to it, you won't be sleeping for the next 18 years". Instead say, "Yeah it sucks.. I remember when I was pregnant for the first time, it sucked."  I swear if one more person makes light of my complaining (and it's not like I'm complaining 24/7)  and seems to forget that they were pregnant for the 1st time too once, I'm going to lose my mind.  I feel like telling my co-workers, "please don't ask me how I'm feeling b/c when I tell you, you are just going to smirk and make fun of me.. "  And while we are on this subject, please stop telling me I "seem grouchy".. yeah, I am. Get used to it!! And I don't even want to talk about the constipation issue.
• Ok, that rant is over..  sorry, just had to bitch for a minute (or two)
• Anyone seen Black Swan? Ok, I've seen it twice now. Went again with two of my girlfriends last night..  I saw it the first time and thought "What the EFF???"  and then the more I thought about it, the more I thought I liked it, so I gave it another shot..   turns out, I did not like it. After seeing it again last night, I think it's just bananas.  I don't think I like it.
• There is a new show coming in February on Lifetime called "One Born Every Minute" and I'm going to force my husband to watch it.  It looks like it's a reality show about babies being born and it follows the parents as they check into the hospital and prepare for delivery. It looks absolutely hilarious.. the way the wives talk to the husbands..  not a lot of happiness going on pre-delivery!
• Golden Globes are this weekend. One of my most favorite days of the year.  YEah, I'm a celebrity stalker/loser.. can't help it. Always have been, always will be.
• We had our company Annual Event last weekend and it was a snoozer...  normally it's so super fun, but this year, there was a wierd Mexican band and dancers that were kind of freaking people out.  No DJ so people didn't get to make a fool out of themselves, causing weeks of gossip and chatter to follow. 

I think that's it.  SOrry for the diversion from normally happy fun Jen blogs to Crabby Patty blog...  I'll be better next time.

xo,js

Stuffed like a Sausage..

that's how I feel today! Seriously, after over a year of losing weight and feeling lighter, today I feel like a butterball. It's not that I've even "popped" yet, but I'm wearing this newfound garment called a Bella Band.. have any of you tried this thing?  It's supposed to be used when your regular, non-maternity, jeans/pants get a little snug and can't button them. The band goes around your mid-section and holds your pants up and you can leave everything else unbuttoned..  I gotta tell you, it makes me feel as if I'm stuffed in sausage casing.. totally not the effect they are going for here. If I had any balls, I would take a picture and show you how ridiculous this thing looks, but alas I don't.  I feel like everytime I walk, I'm going to drop my pants - it's not a good feeling..   maybe I need a smaller size, but this thing makes me feel all claustrophobic-like..  ugh... I hope this is not a foreshadowing of the misery to come.. 

Not much planned for the weekend. We have my company's annual event tomorrow night, which is usually a booze-filled good time. Notsomuch this year, but I'm sure it will be fun nonetheless.. just maybe not as much fun.

Otherwise, we are furniture shopping and laying low.  We need to put some furniture in this empty house of ours!!! We start having our usual year full of guests in a couple of weeks!!

Have a good weekend. xo,js

Dinner with a Blog Buddy!

So, one of my faves,  Jenny , and I got together on Sunday night for dinner. I'm always amazed at how when we see each other, it's like long lost friends meeting up!!  Of course she continues to look amazeballs!!!  Had some hilarious conversation and some delish food!  We'll be reunited again in March when Timmy and I head to NYC for a long weekend (as part of me being Wife of the Year, I bought Tim tickets to a Knicks/Bucks game in NYC for Christmas) Plus, it'll be a nice little trip before I can't travel for a while.  Jenny and I have a little special date as well that she better not back out of!!! Hope to see some of you other NYCers as well when we are there! We'll be there 3/23 - 3/26!

Here's a quick pic. She has a better one.. but I was trying to prove to her my one arm camera skillz....

Happy New Year!!

xo,js

Holiday Picture Post!

Hey all! First, thanks for your sweet notes of congratulations on my news yesterday! I love the support I get out here in Blogland. To answer Vickie's question, I'm due 7/3/11 so I'm currently housing a little firecracker!! Oh, and Jen, I'm not sure you'll get a lot of belly shots from me.. right now, I just look really really thick in the middle!!! :)

Here are some pics from our trip to the Great White North - also known as Michigan.

The chaos that is the Stocking opening!!!

The kiddies..  Clay, Emma, Kate

Me and Timmy on Christmas Eve

Kate and I on the Eve

Sledding!!! Timmy getting ready to push mom down the hill!

No Sledding for me!!! I was the official picture-taker

Official family picture shot on Christmas

The rest are at the ski-hill..  again, no skiing for me, but I was a skiing supporter!! 



xo,js

A Long Overdue Post... and some BIG News!!!

Geez Louise, I've been quite absent lately!!!   The holidays just got the best of me but now I am back from all my holiday traveling and ready to settle in for the winter (ha! I live in AZ!! More like settle in and get ready for the heat in like 4 months!) 

• We got back from Michigan last night. Had an absolute blast. I will post tons of pictures tomorrow once I remember to bring my camera and cord to work.  Luckily, we had no issues whatsoever with travel, which may have been a first for us. It was freezing cold and I spent a good amount of time, inside, under a blanket, napping.. which was perfecto!!
• Back at work today.. seems like it's going to be a pretty dead week, which will be nice so I can get organized and ready for the chaos the beginning of the year always brings. 

Ok, so are you ready for my BIG news??    I've got a BUN in the OVEN!!! Can you believe it??  I'm just at 13 weeks and am soooo freaking excited!!!  Obviously, I've known since around week 4 and let me tell you, it's been a beast to keep in. I'm not good with keeping my own secrets and this one has been really hard. I've hinted at it a couple of times but truth be told, it's one of the reasons I haven't been blogging..  I've wanted to spill the beans forever.  If you don't know my history, this is a huge blessing.  let me fill you in:

2003 - started trying to get pregnant the traditional way..   when that didn't work, started doing the whole taking my temperature, Ovulation Predictor Kits, etc... nothing.
2004 - started working with my OB/Gyn to see if we couldn't jumpstart something. Took Clomid for about 5 months and then did the Clomid Challenge with Super Ovulation for about 3 months..  Clomid should not be taken for more than 3-4 months before moving on..  I ended up with a burst ovarian cyst... OUCH!  Really started questioning whether or not I wanted to put my body through all of this..
2005 - saw a fertility specialist. Was diagnosed with Diminished Ovarian Reserve and told my chances to conceive were a slim 4-6%....  thought about doing IVF and then decided to start the adoption process.
Late 2005 - finished adoption paperwork and waited, waited.. met with 2 birth moms, weren't picked. Devastated.
2006 - moved to AZ. Found out that all of our Adoption paperwork and $$$$ did not transfer across state lines.  Had to start all over. 
2007 - The Great Stull Depression of 2007 - lost our business, lost everything, no money or insurance to do either adoption or fertility treatments. Decided we needed to regroup first and then get to deciding what we wanted to do about a family.
2008 -  decided to have LapBand surgery. Started the 6 month insurance waiting period
2009 - BAM - found out I was pregnant in May...  shocked to say the least...  had a miscarriage at 6 weeks..  sad but hopeful that with my surgery and better health, that the silver lining was that we could at least conceive..
October, 2009 - Lap Band Surgery - you know this story..
May, 2010 - visit with a fertility specialist. Decide that we will go straight to IVF as soon as the summer is over..  Summer over, we kept putting it off and putting it off..
October, 2010 - after reconciling with myself that I really didn't want to do IVF b/c of what it could do to my innards, I was pretty much at peace that I might not ever carry a child.  and then BAM!!!!  was getting ready to head to Chicago for Margo's wedding and realized that I hadn't started my period which was wierd b/c for the past several months, I had had very short cycles (like around 21/22 days long) So, for good measure, took a test and was SHOCKED at the results...  I'm telling you if you don't believe in miracles..  you should. This is a Bona-fide miracle here... 

I was very apprehensive for the first couple of months b/c of my history and just kept hoping for the best everytime I've been to the doctor for an ultrasound. But, there is a Baby Stull in my belly with a perfect strong  heartbeat who likes to shield it's face whenever the ultrasound tech starts to move around the belly. 

For the first couple of weeks, I was pretty sick - but only in the afternoons.. I finally went to see my LB doctor and she wanted to take out ALL of my fluid. Once I started crying and begging her to not, she agreed to take out 1/2 so I went from 9cc to 4.5 which immediately eliminated the vomiting that I had.. it was crazy. Haven't thrown up since. It's actually kind of nice that I can eat a sandwich now without getting stuck!! I'm still trying to be mindful of the lap band rules and so far have really only gained like 4lbs back.  The biggest symptom I have is the extreme tiredness.. I could sleep for hours. Other than that, I'm doing pretty well.  

Ok, gotta run, just wanted to share the good news.. Will keep you posted. I promise I won't be one of those crazy telling you every little detail of my pregnancy people!!! 

Hope you all had a great holiday season and those out East are keeping warm and are able to at least enjoy all the snow!! :)
xo,js

Remember When???

Remember when this past summer when I was a workout queen?? Anyone seen that girl?  If you have, tell her to give me a call b/c this girl has a belly full of jelly lately.  Sure, I've been working out with Kathi 2-3 times a week, but gone are the days when I sometimes did 2x a day and my cardio was through the roof...  please find her!  Pleaseandthankyou.

xo,js

Out of Touch..

Hey all... well, I feel so out of touch lately. I've been basically going through the motions of life lately.  Nothing out of the ordinary happening here.

1. We are in our new house and we love it.  We still have two rooms in which there is no furniture but we'll get there. With moving, Christmas, Christmas travel, we've had a lot of expenses and I just haven't found exactly what I "need" for these rooms!  Here is a pic of the backyard.. it's heavenly.. I can't wait until it's warm enough to enjoy it more.  We have a putting green back there and I quickly realized on Thanksgiving, that putting makes me want to hurl a golf club over the fence and into the wash.. it's so freaking frustrating!!! I could never be a golfer as I don't have the patience!! 

2.  Thanksgiving was pretty low-key, just me and Timmy. We ended up making the full meal, including the turkey.  I did not have one bite of the turkey b/c turkey and Antonio do not get along.  Needless to say, we had a boatload of leftovers that Timmy has enjoyed all week long.  We watched B&M's girls this weekend and this was the scene during the turkey slicing time:

I think the dogs ate more than me that day!!!

3.  I did a little Black Friday shopping but didn't go overboard. I went to Kohls (  there were a bajillion people there!) Target, Old Navy and Homegoods.. I think I ended up with more for me/house than for any of the peeps on my list!!!

4.  We are heading to Michigan in less than 3 weeks and to say that I'm excited is a huge understatement! We haven't spent Christmas up at the lake all together in 4 years..  so fun! I broke down and ordered a new winter coat b/c my others are like blankets on me now!

5. My band is absolutely a pain in the ass lately.  I am having such a hard time keeping things down and today's new development is that whenever I eat anything, it feels like there's a fire in my belly. I have some other health things going on which may be contributing to the pain a little but I have an appointment on Friday and may actually ask for an unfill.  It blows (literally) though.

6.  Even though my band is a bastard lately, I've been doing pretty well on the challenge. I think I'm down around 7 since the beginning. How come I only lose during a challenge?? It's bananas.

Hope everyone is well.  Will make more of an effort to comment and read blogs!! Some of your blogs shut my internet down though when I try to open them at work!  I've been using google reader a lot lately and sometimes can't get over to the actual blog to comment. HOpefully, I'll have something more exciting to blog about next time!!!  Boring is how I roll these days!!!

xo,js