Before I say what I am about to say, let me say that YES, I know that I recently had a baby, I know that things take time, etc, etc... so no need to remind me of these things!
I am FRUSTRATED! I am so frustrated with the lack of weight loss since I had Mac. I am at the point that I was almost 2 years ago before I had the band with how I feel about myself. I'm disgusted when I look at myself, my self-confidence that had finally gotten better after 80+lbs lost is in the dumps and I can't find anything within myself to make things better. I need the Band's help. Right now, my restriction is not so good. I have an appointment on Thursday so I'm hoping that she can get me more of an aggressive fill so that at least I know it's there and is helping me with portion control. My food choices need to change as well. I don't know what is wrong with me. I seem to have no self-control when it comes to the bad food choices. I mentioned to my friends last week when we were walking for our 1/2 marathon training and my friend Jen said to me.. "what I think is going on is that before, you were seeing results and you were optimistic so you kept committing to seeing more results, you just now need to get back into that frame of thinking/mind"... this is so, so true. When I was losing consistently, it was enough for me to keep plugging away at it. Now, I don't see results so my brain goes back into that "woe is me, I'll be fat forever" dialogue it has with itself. I go back to work in a little over 2 weeks and I'm embarrassed that I still look semi-pregnant. I need a swift kick in the ass from somewhere and it needs to happen soon.
I'm also extremely hormonal lately and could cry at the drop of a hat.. I keep saying I'm already going through the "change" b/c I haven't had my period yet and I'm almost 10 weeks PP and I keep having hot flashes in addition to a couple of other things. I need to get to a dr to figure out what's going on..
I'm a mess.
Let's talk about something more positive shall we? As I mentioned, Mac and I went to Michigan to visit Nana and Chief for a week. It was a nice break from the heat we'd been having (although it decided to cool down in AZ the minute we left!! and Heat up as soon as we returned.. go figure!) Mac met a LOT of people while there and was quite popular!! He finally got to meet his Great Aunt Joan and Uncle Bill (AJ and UB to me!) They are the parents of my cousin, whom we lost this spring. This was the first time I've seen them since the funeral and it was hard to be at their house b/c I just kept expecting Karen to come down the steps into the kitchen. I had to hold back tears several times... It sucks. I know things won't ever be the same Up North without her but I hope the sadness gets a little lighter every visit.
Ok, now I'm going to end this Pity Party with some pics of Mac.. the kid is growing up too fast!! He had his 2 month visit today and poor guy got 2 shots and was not happy.. his current stats are:
weight: 13.3 lbs
height: 24 3/4 inches (seems he's going to be a tall one! Not sure where he got his height from!)
he's already learning how to drive the boat at 2 months.. I'm almost 40 and I still don't know how to!!
resting his head on his favorite shoulder - Chief's!
My own personal protection service.. I mean, who's going to mess with him??
**Quick shout out to Nancy D, who reminded me that I needed to blog more!***
Jen, I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. The whacked out hormones aren't helping, either mentally or physically! Many hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteMac is adorable. I can't get over the Mac/Molly pic. That is too sweet.
10 weeks pp! You are doing fantastically! You put your body through the ringer for 9 months so be gentle. Just wait, you're getting a fill and you know the rules so now is the time to get going again! You'll do it. But don't forget to slow down and enjoy the time with Mac! Love the pictures BTW. He's a cutie!
ReplyDeleteHe is so darling, Jen!
ReplyDeleteListen, I never appreciated the mystery and power of hormones until I had a baby. They seriously fuck with you. Are you still nursing? I was never able to lose much weight while I was nursing, despite everyone and her mother telling me how they got down to a size 2 for the first time ever while they were breastfeeding. Just didn't happen for me, I was starving all the time. But when I stopped, about 10 pounds literally fell off with no effort. Which, as you can probably appreciate, *never* happens to me.
A good fill will go a long way toward helping you. And don't be shy about going on an antidepressant if you need one - sometimes it's just a matter of getting everything re-calibrated after you have a baby. Once you're back up and running you can wean off of it.
Be sure to take care of yourself, that's the best way you can be a great mom to the little man.
Hang in there. xoxo
Don't be so hard on yourself. You just had a baby...quite an adorable one at that!!! Once you get back to proper restriction, you will get back on track. Honestly, you are going through lots or homonal changes, that you need to take a deep breath and know that you will be where you want to be sooner than you realize! :) Big hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteOK. I'm just going to reiterate what others have said. You need to be patient. Your body has gone through crazy changes the last year and it doesn't stop just because the kid popped out. Are you breastfeeding? If so, that'll push your period out even further. I didn't get it for 6 months after my first daughter and 5 months after my second. So don't worry too much about that. The hot flashes are your hormones trying to balance themselves back out. The same thing with the weight. It's going to take your body some time to figure out what it's supposed to be doing again.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Cutest kid EVER! (other than my 2 of course. LOL)
He is so cute! His facial expressions crack me up. Now...for realz...I know nothing about birthing no babies, but last time I checked, only Heidi klum was back in fighting shape after 2 months. With that said, if you are frustrated, start by making it simple. Find some time (FIND IT) and look at what you are doing well, and what you could do better. Be honest. And then decide to change just a couple of things at first. Commit to it for one week. Make it happen. You can do anything for one week. When you get in this vicious cycle of feeling like crap, feeling like you look like crap, then if you are anything like me, you just continue to eat crap. But once you get back on track, even for just a couple of days, you start to feel better and when you feel better, you do better.
ReplyDeleteAnd I know you can do it. If I lived near you, I would babysit and you could borrow heather for a few hours. Wanna move to Pensacola?